Hi everyone. I am here in Oregon on vacation. Tony has been telling me for a while that I need to update my blog and I keep putting it off, sorry.

So I did rescans and tests early this month and just before leaving to come up here I talked to John (my P.A.) and although I don't know the exact numbers yet, he reassured me that I am doing excellent, actually doing better he said, so I have been running around on a natural high. I cancelled my appointment since I am out of state, but will have a follow up on Oct 9th, perhaps then I will have an idea how small the tumor has shrunk. Life has been good, always a roller coaster, but I am sure that is Gods way of keeping us on our toes. We weren't put here to just party and have fun, we work and make decisions and then make those decisions work for us.

Kent and I left Pahrump on Sept 20th, leaving Kami in charge of the house and all the animals (and the injured horse) while we came to Oregon to fish and vacation. She has been there f0r a week alone and done a very very good job, I am so proud of her. Kent had to fly home on Sunday the 27th and he reported to me that our injured stallion looks 1000% better. The vet even called me to tell me how good she was doing, so I am real impressed, maybe she will want to do some vet work...??

We went fishing with George and Debbie, a trip we had planned with them the end of June, over to Gold Beach. It was very good weather, I got sunburned even tho I put sun block on about 3 times a day, but I am almost healed up and going back to the coast tomorrow to fish some more and then bring my trailer back to Darold's where I will leave it for the winter. I expect I will be driving or flying back to see him soon, he seems to be sick a lot these days. Right now he feels good, so we have been out driving in the mountains and looking at land. I hope that I can find something that will make Kent and I happy and we can afford, I soooo love it here.

We are having salmon tonight, Darold, Sylvia and myself. We caught some fish at the coast, nothing huge but it was great fun. We weren't out on the ocean but were in the boat in the harbor and river. Sorry that Kent isnt here to share the first salmon.

In a way I am kinda tired of all these darned pills, I have added a bunch of vitamins to the cancer drugs, so I take a lot now, but I think I am feeling stronger and more energetic. Not near as tired these days. I think one of my few complaints is that my blood is so thin now from the thinners that I bleed easy and makes a mess, hahaha. Also my toes and finger nails are getting sore. So I really need to pay attention and take care of them. Well dinner is ready, I love you all

Trying to Live and Laugh (out loud) and Love !

Wednessday I was able to ride my horse again. It was so great ! Imagine being grounded from your most favorite thing in the world, it was 3 months since I had to quit riding because of the brain tumor and swelling. The last time I rode in February, I couldn't get on with out using a block of wood to stand on AND putting the horse on the down hill side, Then I rode for about a mile and started doing some training excercises, got dizzy and fell off, of course the horse I was riding that day was not my favorite or even the second favorite. So she left me on the ground and ran home. Some people down the road saw it and I only had to walk for a ways, they came and gave me a ride. LOL ! Ain't life fun. So anyway, wed I just stayed in the yard because I was riding alone again, WOW I felt life come back. Still had to use a block to get on, but it was a lot easier and this horse is much taller than the one in Feb. So thurs here I go again, this time same tall horse "Chick" and all I did was put her on the down hill side and I MADE IT! Anyway I rode around for a few minutes and ask Kent to go with me, which of course he wouldn't so I left anyway. We rode about a mile or mile and a half circle and then came back. We had a good ride, Chick's baby was with us. She was born the week I started radiation in Feb and hadn't been out of the yard yet. She loved it, ran circles around us, jumped and kicked and came home exhausted. Me too. So I guess I am unstoppable again !!

We had another new foal yesterday, He is gorgeous. He is called a grullo, (grew-yo) which is a rare color and we had hoped to someday get one out of our two dun colored (buckskin with black points and dorsal stripe) quarter horses, so we are real happy about it. He will have black ears, mane, tail, dorsal stripe, lower legs and may also have what is called barring, that is black striping on his legs and withers when his baby hair sheds out, right now he is kinda dark smokey gray/brown. The vet is going to come out later today and check him over for me.

Even with all the fun and excitement in my life, I still have to remind myself to not brood sometimes, and to stay positive. It seems like I should have enough things happening that there would not be time for negative thoughts, but I get them sometimes, last night was not good. I got depressed and could not seem to let it go, so I just stayed in my room and read, watched tv and then about 1 am I went to the other room to just sleep alone. I have so much to be thankful for but sometimes it is just hard to make myself not wallow in self pity. I even tried to google and find other women who have metastatic cancer and are still living after years but most stats are not too great, they seem to run about 6 mo to 2 or 3 years. I am at about 2 and 1/2 years now, so does that mean I am running low on time? If any of you know a web site that is more positive for us metastatic people PLEASE let me know I could use some more positive reinforcement at times.

I was talking to Tawni one day about all my animals, and kids, etc. and explaining how its hard for me to not treat my animals like my kids. I was always one of those people who needs to be needed, and now it seems that my kids don't need me so much anymore. I think about my kids and they are all almost grown now, most of them have families of their own and I am so proud of them all, KJ plans to go into the mililtary this summer, Kami will be here for another year and then is planning college. Then what will I do with myself? I am feeling the empty nest coming already. I guess I will have to start taking the grandchildren away from thier parents more. LOL, I can make them even more rotten then return them !! But I can see that in the last couple of years I have really become attached to my animals because there isn't always someone near to nuture.

Speaking of grandchildren.....my two new grandchildren are coming this fall, Ty and Katie will be having their little angel in October, while Nick and Tawni will have their little son in November. How cool for me, I will be spending a few days with each of them when the babies come. I am not sure about Tony and Emily, they want to start on a baby right away also, What about Tandi ??? better start soon too! And Trenton still wants a little girl, someday. He just needs to find a wife.
In the meantime I have 13 that should be able to start coming out to the mini farm to visit us.
I think that Katie and the kids might come out in a week or two, not sure about Ty yet, we are going to mess with the boat and try to fix it up so we can use it. Cross your fingers for us !!

I had a very nice mothers day this year, I heard from all my little and big angels, and Tandi, Tawni, Nick, Trenton, Steven, KJ and Kami were all able to come over. We planted trees and did some yard stuff, it was great fun. Hunter and Chase were with their mom and Shaylie was with her other Grandma in California, so no little ones this day. We had B B Q steaks, and KENT cooked them, they were excellent. I hope everyone else had a good time as well.

I had thought at one time to start a teen group home or something with foster kids again after the Kami had graduated but I think that may not be possible now, we'll see how I feel in another year. So anyway it sounds like I am rambling, so maybe I should sign off for now...........
Remember if you find any good web sites, etc. send them to me I can use any help you can offer.

Angel told me I need to laugh out loud more, so that is my goal ! Live, Love and Laugh (out loud) so hear goes,,,,haahaa haha ! Love You All !!!

Feeling good, enjoying life

Well I got to watch my son, Tony, marry his beautiful sweatheart, Emily, on Saturday in Laughlin, Nv, the wedding was so nice, simple and heart felt, the kids seem very happy. Then after relaxing a while some of the families had to return home and the rest of us went swimming and ate, then just relaxed and let the little kids enjoy themselves at the lake for a awhile. I feel good enough these days that I offered to babysit while all the young adults wents out to a movie, Hannah actually entertained the boys and watched them while I just over saw the whole thing. She made popcorn and got drinks for them, she also got the mess on Sunday morning!

Anyway I am feeling stronger and stronger every day. I havent been riding my horse yet, but I will get to it. For some reason my left leg is still a little weak, (thats the one I need to step up in the stirrup) I may need to start lifting weights or working out to build back up. My scalp doesn't really hurt anymore but some of my hair is still falling out. I have enough in the back still for a small pony tail, that makes me feel better. My eyebrows haven't fallen out yet, that will be another real sad day if they do, I hate that cause I am not very good at the make up thing and painting eyebrows, I am still considering tattooing them on though. I really hope I can stop the chemo drug soon so maybe my hair can sart growing again. Since being in the hospital I had to start taking a blood thinner, its a daily tummy injection, not so bad, but I am always bruised, good thing half tops are out, LOL.

I have to fill out graduation announcements this week so I can get them in the mail, KJ graduates on June 4th. This has been a trying year for him, I am so glad school is almost out. Kami will be glad for summer break she doesn't really like school either but at least keeps her work done.

We will be going to the family reunion again the year, its the week end before the 4th of July weekend, so like June 27th. I hope some of my older kids will be able to go. I think we are going to spend a day on the beach/coast or something fun, we have a week (before the 27th) before Kent has to be back to work on the 29th. I want to go salmon fishing but not sure what the season is so I have to check on that. And of course we will spend a night with my brother and visit as many people as we can during the week.

It is nice to not be so tired all the time, I just have moments now and not every day. I mowed some of the grass today and weeded my teeny weeny garden, its about 8 by 20 is all, so not much work. Now the wind is bowing about 40 mph so I called it a day outside. I like a gentle wind but when I cant catch my breath it is a little strong. Anyway I fingured I would type a note and let the wind blow with out me !!

No news is good news right?

OK, So my son, Tony advises me that I haven't blogged since the middle of April, so here I am ! Well my hair doesn't hurt anymore but that may be because there isn't much of it left. I still have about a two inch strip around the base of my head but the top and sides are pretty sparse. You know the old man hippie look, hahaha.

I haven't quite gotten the insurance company and the pharmacy on the same page yet, but I am getting closer. Anyway, I have been feeling pretty good, some days I still feel nauseous and flu like, but it's not everyday.

I am looking forward to Tony's wedding and new family, and the 2 new grandbabies. (Nick and Tawni & Ty and Katie) I always love family functions and I am sure every one else does too. Anyway I am excited for all of them (and me too).

I have been working in my yard this last week, planted some flowers and a couple bushes. Also bought 7 trees which are not planted yet, and I got my garden planted. I haven't been riding my horses yet, I guess I am a little leery to ride alone still, but I will be back up there soon.

Friday is zometa and faslodex (sp?) day. I am only going to the cancer center about 1 day a month, seems weird but in a good way I guess. Well time to finish chores. Thanks for all the prayers and blessings.

LAZY DAZE

Well today is wednessday and I have 18 shirts to iron, I tried to pay Kami $2 a shirt to help me iron them all, she said no. So after contemplating and procrastinating, I made Kami call the dry cleaners and they only charge $1.75 a shirt to iron, so guess who is ironing now? Well I did iron 2 shirts so Kent could work the next 2 days but that was as much wifey stuff as I could handle.

Today actually started off kinda lazy, I didn't get out of be till 10, Woke up at 7 but everytime I rolled over nothing hurt so I just chilled with the fox 5 news, fed the horses in my jammies. Anyway other than being a lazy day, it seems like a good one. I plan to go out after bit and work on the tractor again I am trying to get my garden started. I have lots of room if anyone wants to make a garden here, of course that would require you coming out sometime to at least plant it and harvest it....... OK, so I love you all (and thanks again to Emily for setting up my blog) mom/dj

Hey everyone, Im back !! I was going to blog y'all last week, I was grumpy and didn't feel well, tired of my hair falling out and having a swollen face. I still felt like it was a chore to breathe sometimes, like when I was trying to do something, but maybe I expected to heal like I used to in the old days,,,,anyway, then I was so grouchy I didn't even get on the computor much. Those of you who have done the chemo or radiation thing, know what I'm talking about when I talk about the scalp pain and my hair hurting, and if you have not dealt with it personally I know you have listened to me whine. So like yesterday when I woke up, my hair didn't hurt, I layed in bed touching all over my head and there was no pain. All day yesterday no pain. Then this morning I didn't wake up till 7 and again felt all over my head and pushed in different spots, NO PAIN ! And what does this tell us?
This tells us that my hair should be done falling out and maybe it can start growing again. So as you can see I am in a better mood today. I also feel better , yesterday I went out and drove the tractor a little, and plan to do more today after I go to Vegas for an appoinment. Dont know if its a coincidence or if its psycological about the feeling better and hair thing, really don't care, as long as I feel better. Oh crap, I gotta head to Vegas. talk later...................dj

WOW, what a wild time the last couple weeks have been. Lucky for me I have a lot of people taking care of me and standing over me all the time. I knew I didn't feel good but didn't think I was THAT sick. I really don't have time for that stuff, I have a lot of important stuff to do. I am feeling better now, thanks to all your prayers, we all know that prayers are answered in a certain way for a particular reason, we just dont always know the reason. Thanks to Tony and Em for keeping you all updated on my progress.

It is so good to be home, there are no nurses here, and no x ray techs or lab techs to poke and wake you all night. I am a little balder than when I went in, for some reason my hair is still dying and falling out. I have enough in the back for a small pony tail and the top has to be covered with a hat now. They had said that the tumor will take up to 2 months to die and shrink, so maybe the hair does too. I wish not, it is sad. I am still swollen also, but should be off the steroids in about 5 more days, so that will start going down. Breathing is the easiest it has been in about 2 or 3 weeks, so I think this has been coming on since radiation. Of course I am not the dr. Angel finally took a break and went to Tonopah this week end, to see her family, but she will be back soon. I had a wonderful blessing from my husband, Kent and son, Ty in the hospital, thank you both, it was so important to me. Tandi and Tawni stayed with me through all the ER stuff, even the lovely nurses, that are lucky to be alive still. Sometimes you need a little help from our girlies. It was so nice to have them both, there when they could and thinking of me when they couldn't be there. Even Kami skipped school to come hang out with me, and Trenton brought the boys to see me, wow. Luana, Honey, Gabrielle, and Marissa came also. I know I am forgetting someone, like Nick and Shawn, Steven, Shaylie, Katie, Hannah, Kolton, friends. It was over whelming really. I Love you all. Again I am happy to be home..........

Heading Home

Mom is doing a lot better. Drs say everything is looking much better and she should be able to leave the hospital this afternoon. She will be going home without oxygen. Her O2 levels are doing better. She was at 96 before she walked this morning and after they dropped to 86. So much better than before. Just before she laid down she was clear down to 70 or 80%. They still don't know if there is any permanent lung damage and know until her lungs heal all the way. She is meeting with her Oncologists (cancer docs) tomorrow to see if she needs to stay on heparin shots or coumadin. Her coumadin and the xeloda (her chemo meds) may be mixing badly so she may be on the heparin shots for a while. She is excited to being going home! Thank you for the continued support and prayers.

Looking Good!!

Ok, mom is really starting to improve. She had several more tests today and seems to be improving rapidly. The pulmonologist has diagnosed her with pneumonitis, which is inflammation of the lung and not quite pneumonia yet. He has not given her a release date but its coming soon. Tomorrow they will repeat the test given today and decide where to go from there. She is DEFINITELY feeling tons better. She is using less Oxygen than she was and her Oxygen stats are much better.....

News from the latest tests

Doctor has confirmed that colonoscopy was good. He found no cancer, no tumors or palyps but a few hemroids likely from the drugs she has been on. The ultrasound scans on her legs found no other blood clots. He is concerned however that she is still having some difficulty breathing. He thinks that the clots that small shouldnt be causing that much discomfort. He is having a pulmonologist see her tomorrow to follow up and track down the issue. He saw her briefly tonight and agreed there is more at work in her lungs than just the clots. In his quick assessment, most indications point to an infection of some sort like pnuemonia. He will run a few more tests and some more chest scans. Her hands are cramping a lot so they will check her magnesium, calcium and potasium levels in the am. They are gonna meet with her cancer doctors tomorrow to discuss meds (what drugs can go with what drugs kind of thing) and possible concerns and a new game plan...... More tomorrow

So far So good

Ok mom went in for her Colonoscopy this morning. They had to advance the procedure that was originally scheduled for middle April because they needed to put her on blood thinners to attack the Pulminary Embolism. She woke up this morning at the hospital and said she felt great. Her lungs were feeling a lot better already. Sounds like it wasnt a fun night for her though as the procedure for colonoscopy requires a system cleaning before they can get started. Some time around 10:30am she was waking up from her procedure. The doctors relayed to the family that was there that they didnt notice anything alarming but would give a full detailed report shortly.....stay tuned. I need to give special thanks to Tandi and Tawni for helping take care of mom. They move on the drop of a dime without fail. They are so determined. And to Ty and Kent for giving mom a blessing two nights ago. Something vitally important to us all. And a super huge loving hug to Angel. If you ever read this, we love you so much. You're a blessing to this family and a pillar of support to our mother that we could not replace. Thank you so much for being there. God bless you. God bless Dennis and the kids for supporting you while you care for our mother. You guys are amazing!!! We love you. Updates coming as soon as possible,
Moms Kids :)

Donna has a pulmonary embolism which is a blood clot in her right lung. And a suspicious spot on her lung that they think might be pneumonia. She is on heparin shots and cumadin and is on antibiotics for the pneumonia. They are going to do an ultrasound on her legs to make sure there aren't any clots in her legs. She is having difficulty breathing. We will continue to provide more updates as they come available. She's at San Martin Hospital in Las Vegas Rm 206

I would like to reiterate that, I AM ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES. I wasn't taken from my family with no warning and no time to reflect on time and relationships. I have been given additional time, not shortened or borrowed time. It is WAKE up time, because I think I was kind of sleeping my way through life. I would just let days come and go, and not really notice what was happening in my world. I look now at my husband and see things that I had forgotten about him, I see how much he loves all our children and how he truely cares about each one. I am reminded how much his integrity means to him. And I see everyday how my health affects him and makes him worry. My children are absolute mountains of strength, Tandi and Tawni have been there at every appointment possible, to make sure I am supported and no information goes un-noted. It is hard some times to see them in the parenting role instead of me. They have seen all my doctors, chemo techs, nurses, radiation techs, pharmacey techs, the list goes on and on. They have driven me and cared for me and when I felt they needed a break, my niece Angel would take over. Leaving her own family in Tonopah, she would come stay with me for days at a time and make sure I ate or drive me to chemo. My sister, Luana, joined us all in some of our doctor runs, chemo visits, and home time. We all got to do some bonding, girl/sister time is hard to beat when your dealing with girlie issues.

During this early time I felt bad a lot, the nausea pills did seem to work pretty good, but the chemo is pretty strong poison to be putting through your body. I went to a hair salon in Vegas and had my hair cut off real short. It was cute but not me, I had always had a pony tail or braids before. It wasn't too much longer though, when it began falling out and you can prepare all you want, buy wigs, hats, scarves whatever, but it still HURTS to have it all pull loose in the shower and wake up seeing your scalp. Everyone kept saying it will grow back.....Oh My Gosh, did it ! It came in thick, dark and curly, of course it also has a lot of grey, but I think it in the long run it looks good. Of course I could have used nice eyelashes and eyebrows this time around and that did not happen, mine came back thin and short still.

After awhile, I guess my body got used to the heavy drugs, I would only be sickly for a day or two after treatment, then feel better, my bones ached a lot from the additional drugs, like neulasta and zometa, each has a very important role in my recovery and I just try to remember that. We all made it through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, and the outlook was good. My breast tumor excised, radiated and chemo'd was completely gone, my liver tumors although very large to begin with had completely disolved, and I only had a few tumor spots on the back, pelvis and ribs, but they were stable and not painful. We were all feeling very grateful.

We vacationed on an Alaskan cruise that year. WOW that is really gorgeous, I will never forget the glaciers and wild land around. I would have liked to do some fishing but we werent able to this trip. Kent and I took, KJ, Kami, and Steven with us and I think they had a good time. They were able to do some rappeling, and climbing, rope swings and gold mining, shopping, eating and swimming. The rest of the year slowed down a little which was good, still making twice monthly runs for chemo, but not the hard stuff just maintenance stuff. hahaha

Then in 2008 Kent decided to put his hat in the political ring again and ran for Justice of the Peace. Life got busy again for the next 10 months, and of course still running to Vegas twice monthly, BUT I am testing and scanning cancer free !! It was busy in the campaign field. Kent was gone a lot and grouchy the rest of the time. But it was worth it, HE WON.

On to 2009, it started out fairly quiet, Kent slid right into his new position and my doctor appts continued as usual. Then one day driving to Vegas I noticed my right side was not communicating with my brain, it just kind of was taking a break, not helping to drive, just sitting there. I was a little scared and pulled over to the edge of the road thinking maybe I was stroking. After about 5 minutes it went away and all was good again. Little by little over the next couple of weeks I noticed other things, unable to focus, weakness in my right hand, blurry vision, and a couple more episodes of my right side disclaiming me. Finally one day I knew, its in my head! I called "John" my cancer man, he's really the P.A. but he has been the one with us through all this. I have only seen the "real" doctor about 3 or 4 times. He scheduled me for a brain MRI the next day. This time was a little different for me, all the boys rallied in to help out. Trenton drove me to town where we met Tony and Ty at the radiologists office, after the scan we were to wait for John to call. He did in just a short time. He got on the phone with Tony first, a brain tumor had grown. He told Tony to take me to the cancer center on Arby to meet with the radiation doctor and get a rx for steroids to reduce swelling of the brain, treatment would start ASAP. Then he talked to me briefly on the phone and we all headed out the door, I felt my knees get weak, everything started swimming, NO please not my brain ! I felt tears running, the boys were trying to hold me up as we walked to the car. The boys got on the phones and made all "the calls" this time. Kent was waiting, Tawni and Tandi were all on hold, because the boys were taking care of things this time. The girls drove over to meet us at the cancer center, and meet the new doctor, (he left his personality somewhere and we haven't found it yet) but he seems to know his stuff.

We had to come in the next day, to build the face mold and another CT so that a program could be made over the week end for the pin point brain radiation. They say my hair will fall out, but only a small spot this time about a silver dollar size. I will be staying in town most of the first and second week since I am not allowed to drive. The girls have a schedule figured out to get me around. Monday Kent goes with me and I have him photograph me in my mask, it is kinda creepy and very tight fitting, even your eyelids can't move.

After a couple of days, I had to go home, it is too hard to be away from my animals all the time, and my mare had her foal finally 3 weeks late. So then I gave in and called Angel to come down and drive me back and forth for the second week. Now here we are up to the end of week 2, and time flies by. I have all my new drugs, I start them on Monday and the dr's keep talking about me getting sick, so lets hope they are wrong. 3 more weeks of radiation to go, I am really tired and really weak feeling, and just feel generally crappy. I think I am pretty well caught up and to date, so I will make more effort to check in frequently. Thanks for being with me......

Have you looked around your world and really saw what is out there ? I thought that I had, but after the shock wore off of being told that I have advanced breast cancer at 48 years old, I realized that I had no clue how beautiful our world is. I have always been able to find peace and comfort in the outdoor world, it just relaxes me and humbles me before our Father. But the true beauty out there,,,,I am still finding !

The day we all got the fateful news in February of 2007, was my daughter Tawni's birthday, how horrible for her. We all cried, those who could be there with us that day were there, and others we called as soon as we could talk, family members were waiting by phones. CANCER..... it doesn't effect just the person who has the illness, it gets everyone in the path. But I have learned that it is also a blessing, it has opened my eyes and my heart, it has given me patience and forgiveness, and it has shown me all that I have to be thankful for.

It wasn't easy to try to be strong and stay positive, and I wish I could say that I didn't have melt downs, I did ! I remember days that I was too sick and tired to get up and do much more than feed my animals. Then shortly I would lie on the bed or couch and dose off. I was one of the luck ones, I had a lot of family to help me.