I would like to reiterate that, I AM ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES. I wasn't taken from my family with no warning and no time to reflect on time and relationships. I have been given additional time, not shortened or borrowed time. It is WAKE up time, because I think I was kind of sleeping my way through life. I would just let days come and go, and not really notice what was happening in my world. I look now at my husband and see things that I had forgotten about him, I see how much he loves all our children and how he truely cares about each one. I am reminded how much his integrity means to him. And I see everyday how my health affects him and makes him worry. My children are absolute mountains of strength, Tandi and Tawni have been there at every appointment possible, to make sure I am supported and no information goes un-noted. It is hard some times to see them in the parenting role instead of me. They have seen all my doctors, chemo techs, nurses, radiation techs, pharmacey techs, the list goes on and on. They have driven me and cared for me and when I felt they needed a break, my niece Angel would take over. Leaving her own family in Tonopah, she would come stay with me for days at a time and make sure I ate or drive me to chemo. My sister, Luana, joined us all in some of our doctor runs, chemo visits, and home time. We all got to do some bonding, girl/sister time is hard to beat when your dealing with girlie issues.
During this early time I felt bad a lot, the nausea pills did seem to work pretty good, but the chemo is pretty strong poison to be putting through your body. I went to a hair salon in Vegas and had my hair cut off real short. It was cute but not me, I had always had a pony tail or braids before. It wasn't too much longer though, when it began falling out and you can prepare all you want, buy wigs, hats, scarves whatever, but it still HURTS to have it all pull loose in the shower and wake up seeing your scalp. Everyone kept saying it will grow back.....Oh My Gosh, did it ! It came in thick, dark and curly, of course it also has a lot of grey, but I think it in the long run it looks good. Of course I could have used nice eyelashes and eyebrows this time around and that did not happen, mine came back thin and short still.
After awhile, I guess my body got used to the heavy drugs, I would only be sickly for a day or two after treatment, then feel better, my bones ached a lot from the additional drugs, like neulasta and zometa, each has a very important role in my recovery and I just try to remember that. We all made it through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, and the outlook was good. My breast tumor excised, radiated and chemo'd was completely gone, my liver tumors although very large to begin with had completely disolved, and I only had a few tumor spots on the back, pelvis and ribs, but they were stable and not painful. We were all feeling very grateful.
We vacationed on an Alaskan cruise that year. WOW that is really gorgeous, I will never forget the glaciers and wild land around. I would have liked to do some fishing but we werent able to this trip. Kent and I took, KJ, Kami, and Steven with us and I think they had a good time. They were able to do some rappeling, and climbing, rope swings and gold mining, shopping, eating and swimming. The rest of the year slowed down a little which was good, still making twice monthly runs for chemo, but not the hard stuff just maintenance stuff. hahaha
Then in 2008 Kent decided to put his hat in the political ring again and ran for Justice of the Peace. Life got busy again for the next 10 months, and of course still running to Vegas twice monthly, BUT I am testing and scanning cancer free !! It was busy in the campaign field. Kent was gone a lot and grouchy the rest of the time. But it was worth it, HE WON.
On to 2009, it started out fairly quiet, Kent slid right into his new position and my doctor appts continued as usual. Then one day driving to Vegas I noticed my right side was not communicating with my brain, it just kind of was taking a break, not helping to drive, just sitting there. I was a little scared and pulled over to the edge of the road thinking maybe I was stroking. After about 5 minutes it went away and all was good again. Little by little over the next couple of weeks I noticed other things, unable to focus, weakness in my right hand, blurry vision, and a couple more episodes of my right side disclaiming me. Finally one day I knew, its in my head! I called "John" my cancer man, he's really the P.A. but he has been the one with us through all this. I have only seen the "real" doctor about 3 or 4 times. He scheduled me for a brain MRI the next day. This time was a little different for me, all the boys rallied in to help out. Trenton drove me to town where we met Tony and Ty at the radiologists office, after the scan we were to wait for John to call. He did in just a short time. He got on the phone with Tony first, a brain tumor had grown. He told Tony to take me to the cancer center on Arby to meet with the radiation doctor and get a rx for steroids to reduce swelling of the brain, treatment would start ASAP. Then he talked to me briefly on the phone and we all headed out the door, I felt my knees get weak, everything started swimming, NO please not my brain ! I felt tears running, the boys were trying to hold me up as we walked to the car. The boys got on the phones and made all "the calls" this time. Kent was waiting, Tawni and Tandi were all on hold, because the boys were taking care of things this time. The girls drove over to meet us at the cancer center, and meet the new doctor, (he left his personality somewhere and we haven't found it yet) but he seems to know his stuff.
We had to come in the next day, to build the face mold and another CT so that a program could be made over the week end for the pin point brain radiation. They say my hair will fall out, but only a small spot this time about a silver dollar size. I will be staying in town most of the first and second week since I am not allowed to drive. The girls have a schedule figured out to get me around. Monday Kent goes with me and I have him photograph me in my mask, it is kinda creepy and very tight fitting, even your eyelids can't move.
After a couple of days, I had to go home, it is too hard to be away from my animals all the time, and my mare had her foal finally 3 weeks late. So then I gave in and called Angel to come down and drive me back and forth for the second week. Now here we are up to the end of week 2, and time flies by. I have all my new drugs, I start them on Monday and the dr's keep talking about me getting sick, so lets hope they are wrong. 3 more weeks of radiation to go, I am really tired and really weak feeling, and just feel generally crappy. I think I am pretty well caught up and to date, so I will make more effort to check in frequently. Thanks for being with me......
