Trying to Live and Laugh (out loud) and Love !

Wednessday I was able to ride my horse again. It was so great ! Imagine being grounded from your most favorite thing in the world, it was 3 months since I had to quit riding because of the brain tumor and swelling. The last time I rode in February, I couldn't get on with out using a block of wood to stand on AND putting the horse on the down hill side, Then I rode for about a mile and started doing some training excercises, got dizzy and fell off, of course the horse I was riding that day was not my favorite or even the second favorite. So she left me on the ground and ran home. Some people down the road saw it and I only had to walk for a ways, they came and gave me a ride. LOL ! Ain't life fun. So anyway, wed I just stayed in the yard because I was riding alone again, WOW I felt life come back. Still had to use a block to get on, but it was a lot easier and this horse is much taller than the one in Feb. So thurs here I go again, this time same tall horse "Chick" and all I did was put her on the down hill side and I MADE IT! Anyway I rode around for a few minutes and ask Kent to go with me, which of course he wouldn't so I left anyway. We rode about a mile or mile and a half circle and then came back. We had a good ride, Chick's baby was with us. She was born the week I started radiation in Feb and hadn't been out of the yard yet. She loved it, ran circles around us, jumped and kicked and came home exhausted. Me too. So I guess I am unstoppable again !!

We had another new foal yesterday, He is gorgeous. He is called a grullo, (grew-yo) which is a rare color and we had hoped to someday get one out of our two dun colored (buckskin with black points and dorsal stripe) quarter horses, so we are real happy about it. He will have black ears, mane, tail, dorsal stripe, lower legs and may also have what is called barring, that is black striping on his legs and withers when his baby hair sheds out, right now he is kinda dark smokey gray/brown. The vet is going to come out later today and check him over for me.

Even with all the fun and excitement in my life, I still have to remind myself to not brood sometimes, and to stay positive. It seems like I should have enough things happening that there would not be time for negative thoughts, but I get them sometimes, last night was not good. I got depressed and could not seem to let it go, so I just stayed in my room and read, watched tv and then about 1 am I went to the other room to just sleep alone. I have so much to be thankful for but sometimes it is just hard to make myself not wallow in self pity. I even tried to google and find other women who have metastatic cancer and are still living after years but most stats are not too great, they seem to run about 6 mo to 2 or 3 years. I am at about 2 and 1/2 years now, so does that mean I am running low on time? If any of you know a web site that is more positive for us metastatic people PLEASE let me know I could use some more positive reinforcement at times.

I was talking to Tawni one day about all my animals, and kids, etc. and explaining how its hard for me to not treat my animals like my kids. I was always one of those people who needs to be needed, and now it seems that my kids don't need me so much anymore. I think about my kids and they are all almost grown now, most of them have families of their own and I am so proud of them all, KJ plans to go into the mililtary this summer, Kami will be here for another year and then is planning college. Then what will I do with myself? I am feeling the empty nest coming already. I guess I will have to start taking the grandchildren away from thier parents more. LOL, I can make them even more rotten then return them !! But I can see that in the last couple of years I have really become attached to my animals because there isn't always someone near to nuture.

Speaking of grandchildren.....my two new grandchildren are coming this fall, Ty and Katie will be having their little angel in October, while Nick and Tawni will have their little son in November. How cool for me, I will be spending a few days with each of them when the babies come. I am not sure about Tony and Emily, they want to start on a baby right away also, What about Tandi ??? better start soon too! And Trenton still wants a little girl, someday. He just needs to find a wife.
In the meantime I have 13 that should be able to start coming out to the mini farm to visit us.
I think that Katie and the kids might come out in a week or two, not sure about Ty yet, we are going to mess with the boat and try to fix it up so we can use it. Cross your fingers for us !!

I had a very nice mothers day this year, I heard from all my little and big angels, and Tandi, Tawni, Nick, Trenton, Steven, KJ and Kami were all able to come over. We planted trees and did some yard stuff, it was great fun. Hunter and Chase were with their mom and Shaylie was with her other Grandma in California, so no little ones this day. We had B B Q steaks, and KENT cooked them, they were excellent. I hope everyone else had a good time as well.

I had thought at one time to start a teen group home or something with foster kids again after the Kami had graduated but I think that may not be possible now, we'll see how I feel in another year. So anyway it sounds like I am rambling, so maybe I should sign off for now...........
Remember if you find any good web sites, etc. send them to me I can use any help you can offer.

Angel told me I need to laugh out loud more, so that is my goal ! Live, Love and Laugh (out loud) so hear goes,,,,haahaa haha ! Love You All !!!

Feeling good, enjoying life

Well I got to watch my son, Tony, marry his beautiful sweatheart, Emily, on Saturday in Laughlin, Nv, the wedding was so nice, simple and heart felt, the kids seem very happy. Then after relaxing a while some of the families had to return home and the rest of us went swimming and ate, then just relaxed and let the little kids enjoy themselves at the lake for a awhile. I feel good enough these days that I offered to babysit while all the young adults wents out to a movie, Hannah actually entertained the boys and watched them while I just over saw the whole thing. She made popcorn and got drinks for them, she also got the mess on Sunday morning!

Anyway I am feeling stronger and stronger every day. I havent been riding my horse yet, but I will get to it. For some reason my left leg is still a little weak, (thats the one I need to step up in the stirrup) I may need to start lifting weights or working out to build back up. My scalp doesn't really hurt anymore but some of my hair is still falling out. I have enough in the back still for a small pony tail, that makes me feel better. My eyebrows haven't fallen out yet, that will be another real sad day if they do, I hate that cause I am not very good at the make up thing and painting eyebrows, I am still considering tattooing them on though. I really hope I can stop the chemo drug soon so maybe my hair can sart growing again. Since being in the hospital I had to start taking a blood thinner, its a daily tummy injection, not so bad, but I am always bruised, good thing half tops are out, LOL.

I have to fill out graduation announcements this week so I can get them in the mail, KJ graduates on June 4th. This has been a trying year for him, I am so glad school is almost out. Kami will be glad for summer break she doesn't really like school either but at least keeps her work done.

We will be going to the family reunion again the year, its the week end before the 4th of July weekend, so like June 27th. I hope some of my older kids will be able to go. I think we are going to spend a day on the beach/coast or something fun, we have a week (before the 27th) before Kent has to be back to work on the 29th. I want to go salmon fishing but not sure what the season is so I have to check on that. And of course we will spend a night with my brother and visit as many people as we can during the week.

It is nice to not be so tired all the time, I just have moments now and not every day. I mowed some of the grass today and weeded my teeny weeny garden, its about 8 by 20 is all, so not much work. Now the wind is bowing about 40 mph so I called it a day outside. I like a gentle wind but when I cant catch my breath it is a little strong. Anyway I fingured I would type a note and let the wind blow with out me !!